COMMENTS AND RESPONSES FROM PERRY
Monday, October 22, 2007
Thanks,
Perry
[***SPOILER ALERT IN THIS NEXT ONE.]
Hey Mr. Moore,
I finished reading Hero earlier today. I know it was great because I already miss having Thom in my life. He's such a cool guy! I'm writing to tell you that Thom has had a big impact on me..I'm gay too, and I've been too scared to tell anyone. I decided 4 years ago to tell my parents the summer before college, but now that I'm a senior I know that time is getting closer, and I'm scared. It's no longer a fantasy, you know? I'm scared that I won't be able to do it at all. It sucks. Do you mind if I ask how old you were when you did it? Maybe I can wait another few years.
I'm really looking forward to the sequel. Thanks, man.
-PS-I read online that you gave Goran his name in part because of the tennis player who used the deragatory word. Nice! I also liked how you made the bad guy called Right Wing.
Sincerely,
Anonymous
Here's my response. I hope I handled it okay.
--p
Dear Anonymous,
You are going to be okay. I know it's scary as heck, but you're
committed to doing what's in your heart. And when that's following
the truth, you can't go wrong. May be difficult at first, but the
truth sets you free!
In my case, I waited until I was about 25 or so, I think. I was already
living in New York with my longtime boyfriend, and I saw a future
where I'd grow apart from my family if I kept that part of me a secret
from them. So I went home one summer to tell them. My heart was
pounding. I told my sisters first, that day. We went to the beach.
I was surfing with my dad (he loves to body-board; you can't get him out of the water). I had just told my mother on the beach, and then I told my dad.
I cleared out for the night to give them time to think, spent the
night at a friend's house, and told them I'd be back the next day to
talk with them if they had questions. I got home and they couldn't
have been more loving. Yes, it took them a while to wrap their heads
around it. (It also took me a long time to wrap my head around it!) But as my dad said, "You have to understand, we come from another time." And they do. Also, my mother's primary concern was
that she just didn't want life to be any harder for me, and she knew
-- especially because I'm from the south -- how people can sometimes be very bad
toward gay people. I assured her not to worry, and so far so good.
Sharing the book with them was hard at first, especially my dad,
because I based Thom's father on him. But it was important for them
to understand what it was like to grow up gay. My father, who is a
Vietnam Veteran, had shared a book with me, "The Things They Carried"
by Tim O'Brien, to help me understand what it was like for him to be
in Vietnam. It was something he rarely, if ever, spoke about.
So I wrote HERO in many ways to communicate with him what it was like
for me. Maybe you can give them HERO or any other book that you feel
captures some of the essence of what you're going through. It may
answer a lot of questions for them, it may facilitate some real
discussion, and it may help you come out to them without having to say
the words, if that's what's holding you up.
There are some good books on coming out, and resources online.
Unfortunately, you have to sift through some often inappropriate sites
to get to the good advice, but there are resources out there. Gay
helplines, Gay-Student-Alliances, PFLAG (Parents and Friends of
Lesbian and Gays), especially that last one is a place you should
contact or check out. I'm no professional, either, so I hope you take
my words with a grain of salt. Coming out is an experience that can be
different for everyone. I especially don't want you to do anything if it puts you in any sort of danger.
But remember: you're not alone.
It's scary, I know, I've been there.
Aim high, be yourself! There is a hero in you, too!
All the best, and keep me posted!
Perry
I was so worried I didn't say the right things, so worried about him. I was so happy when I heard from him again.
--p
Hey Mr. Moore,
I am really touched that you wrote me back. Thank you for sharing your story with me.
Your letter reinforced something that I sort of knew but didn't want to face (and still don't really). That was the thing about your family. I do love my family and I want them to be in my life. So I need to tell them my secret. The sad truth is I'm embarrassed about what they will think about me if and when I do. I don't know if I'll be able to sit down and talk with them the way you did. I hope I get over it.
I gave myself until after high school to come out because I knew I wasn't ready to do it the summer before 9th grade, when I finally recognized it for myself. And by staying in the closet until this school year's over I won't have to come out to everyone else in my life. I will just begin college by being out. Does that make any sense?
Your e-mail provided another impetus for coming out. I want to share it with someone! I'm a bit starstruck. I loved Narnia.
For now I think I'm going to take things slowly. I'll check out PFLAG's website. I had even heard of that group before, but never thought of actually visiting them until you mentioned it. I think I'll also start contemplating telling one of my friends what's up. I managed to tell someone over last summer but that scared me more than it liberated me. Maybe it's time to try again.
Thank you again for e-mailing me. I'm going to hold on to your letter. I'll be rereading it many times over the course of this next year.
I hope to keep in contact with you every now and then. With everything you've done for me and everyone in the same boat as us, you're my Hero.
Dear Everyone,
If you know any other good resources for teens struggling with coming to terms with their sexual identity or with coming out to their families, please let us know. There is information and help out there, and I'd love to know where to steer those looking for help.
Thank you for helping me with this. It's very important.
Perry
Monday, October 22, 2007
help for gay or questioning teens
This is one of my all-time favorite pieces of fan mail. I get a lot of feedback like this, but this one I find especially touching and inspiring. It reminds me a lot of me at that age, of everything I was going through. If anyone has any words of wisdom or stories or excellent resources to share, please reach out to us on the site.Thanks,
Perry
[***SPOILER ALERT IN THIS NEXT ONE.]
Hey Mr. Moore,
I finished reading Hero earlier today. I know it was great because I already miss having Thom in my life. He's such a cool guy! I'm writing to tell you that Thom has had a big impact on me..I'm gay too, and I've been too scared to tell anyone. I decided 4 years ago to tell my parents the summer before college, but now that I'm a senior I know that time is getting closer, and I'm scared. It's no longer a fantasy, you know? I'm scared that I won't be able to do it at all. It sucks. Do you mind if I ask how old you were when you did it? Maybe I can wait another few years.
I'm really looking forward to the sequel. Thanks, man.
-PS-I read online that you gave Goran his name in part because of the tennis player who used the deragatory word. Nice! I also liked how you made the bad guy called Right Wing.
Sincerely,
Anonymous
Here's my response. I hope I handled it okay.
--p
Dear Anonymous,
You are going to be okay. I know it's scary as heck, but you're
committed to doing what's in your heart. And when that's following
the truth, you can't go wrong. May be difficult at first, but the
truth sets you free!
In my case, I waited until I was about 25 or so, I think. I was already
living in New York with my longtime boyfriend, and I saw a future
where I'd grow apart from my family if I kept that part of me a secret
from them. So I went home one summer to tell them. My heart was
pounding. I told my sisters first, that day. We went to the beach.
I was surfing with my dad (he loves to body-board; you can't get him out of the water). I had just told my mother on the beach, and then I told my dad.
I cleared out for the night to give them time to think, spent the
night at a friend's house, and told them I'd be back the next day to
talk with them if they had questions. I got home and they couldn't
have been more loving. Yes, it took them a while to wrap their heads
around it. (It also took me a long time to wrap my head around it!) But as my dad said, "You have to understand, we come from another time." And they do. Also, my mother's primary concern was
that she just didn't want life to be any harder for me, and she knew
-- especially because I'm from the south -- how people can sometimes be very bad
toward gay people. I assured her not to worry, and so far so good.
Sharing the book with them was hard at first, especially my dad,
because I based Thom's father on him. But it was important for them
to understand what it was like to grow up gay. My father, who is a
Vietnam Veteran, had shared a book with me, "The Things They Carried"
by Tim O'Brien, to help me understand what it was like for him to be
in Vietnam. It was something he rarely, if ever, spoke about.
So I wrote HERO in many ways to communicate with him what it was like
for me. Maybe you can give them HERO or any other book that you feel
captures some of the essence of what you're going through. It may
answer a lot of questions for them, it may facilitate some real
discussion, and it may help you come out to them without having to say
the words, if that's what's holding you up.
There are some good books on coming out, and resources online.
Unfortunately, you have to sift through some often inappropriate sites
to get to the good advice, but there are resources out there. Gay
helplines, Gay-Student-Alliances, PFLAG (Parents and Friends of
Lesbian and Gays), especially that last one is a place you should
contact or check out. I'm no professional, either, so I hope you take
my words with a grain of salt. Coming out is an experience that can be
different for everyone. I especially don't want you to do anything if it puts you in any sort of danger.
But remember: you're not alone.
It's scary, I know, I've been there.
Aim high, be yourself! There is a hero in you, too!
All the best, and keep me posted!
Perry
I was so worried I didn't say the right things, so worried about him. I was so happy when I heard from him again.
--p
Hey Mr. Moore,
I am really touched that you wrote me back. Thank you for sharing your story with me.
Your letter reinforced something that I sort of knew but didn't want to face (and still don't really). That was the thing about your family. I do love my family and I want them to be in my life. So I need to tell them my secret. The sad truth is I'm embarrassed about what they will think about me if and when I do. I don't know if I'll be able to sit down and talk with them the way you did. I hope I get over it.
I gave myself until after high school to come out because I knew I wasn't ready to do it the summer before 9th grade, when I finally recognized it for myself. And by staying in the closet until this school year's over I won't have to come out to everyone else in my life. I will just begin college by being out. Does that make any sense?
Your e-mail provided another impetus for coming out. I want to share it with someone! I'm a bit starstruck. I loved Narnia.
For now I think I'm going to take things slowly. I'll check out PFLAG's website. I had even heard of that group before, but never thought of actually visiting them until you mentioned it. I think I'll also start contemplating telling one of my friends what's up. I managed to tell someone over last summer but that scared me more than it liberated me. Maybe it's time to try again.
Thank you again for e-mailing me. I'm going to hold on to your letter. I'll be rereading it many times over the course of this next year.
I hope to keep in contact with you every now and then. With everything you've done for me and everyone in the same boat as us, you're my Hero.
Dear Everyone,
If you know any other good resources for teens struggling with coming to terms with their sexual identity or with coming out to their families, please let us know. There is information and help out there, and I'd love to know where to steer those looking for help.
Thank you for helping me with this. It's very important.
Perry
posted by Perry at
7:56 PM
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